Down with the sickness

 I'm going to start this off with, I wish I was a DAD. and I don't mean this literally. I mean I wish I was a DAD in the sense that I can get sleep when I am sick, I can leave the house any time I wish without hiring a baby sitter first , I can come home and have Cinderella wait on me . I don't have to cook, clean or even put away my own laundry. However although I envy all of that , SLEEP, is what I am jealous of the most.

The past week I have been so sick with a head cold. But I am a mother of 3 kids ,all of whom are under the age of 6 and need to be supervised at all times . This means no naps for mommy. This also means that although my head is pounding ,nose running, and bones aching in pain. I don't get to be sick ...I simply get to be MOM. Especially with an oilfield man as the Dad in our home , he doesn't get home until late in the evening's as it is . Let alone a day off to help me out . That would be the day the moon turned blue and pigs grew wings.

I am jealous of the ability DADS have to not hear their children cry in the night .( seriously they can be screaming like a banshee and still he sleeps through it)

For these reasons I wish only for a day , I could be the DAD.

Did i just taste PEE???

I consider myself lucky as I have a lot of good quality friends, by good quality I mean in 20 years from now I will still be gabbing with them on the phone while I clean my floors ,long term, good for the soul girl friends.  Now I don't get to see all my friends very often , but I make sure to call everyone at least every two weeks to catch up and see what is new .

The other night I was talking to a girlfriend while I washed my floors (I'm good at multi tasking a skill you pick up when you become a mom) she is currently potting training her son, and he likes to pee places he shouldn't as every little boy does. As we  were talking she noticed a clear fluid on her counter top in the kitchen. then she asked me this "what do you think would be clear and salty on the counter ", " what ? you TASTED it ???? OMG...ummm   PEE!!!!" was my response.

Thinking that she had just hit an all time new low and just tasted her sons pee, all  could do was laugh . To be honest I probably would of tasted it to . I mean come on , its on a kitchen counter ,could be anything .

Thank god my friend happened to notice a salt shaker on the other side of the kitchen spilled every where . This means that maybe , just maybe she tasted salt water instead of pee. Oh please little guy I hope you were trying to be a mad scientist and create a salt potion .

To say the least my thoughts are with her . And I know if I never need a strange substance tasted who to go to :)

I may not be talking to a wall afterall

I have been working very hard to loose my baby weight and I feel like I am doing pretty good . For Christmas my love got me some Under Armour gear and that stuff is better than Lulu Lemon! I have become addicted to the crop pants I got as a gift, and by addicted, I mean when I have to wash them I wait naked by the dryer waiting for it to DING.

My love must have noticed my dedication to my beach body videos, and my un willingness to wear anything else . As today when he came home I was told to close my eyes. Thinking he was dragging me down the hall to catch our kids doing something ridiculously cute , I played along . A short Blind walk down the hallway and a run in with my nose against the door trim (ouch) I was told to open my eyes.

Laid out neatly on my sons bed was a complete under armour outfit, running jacket, shirt, and new pants!!!  I felt like it was a scene in a movie except instead of a dress and a date with a man I got gym clothes and a date with my treadmill .

This was completely unexpected. And such a sweet surprise. Its wonderful to know that even though I may feel like I'm talking to a wall sometimes that he is listening. Good night everyone , and take  time to surprise the ones you love with something un expected xoxox

vegetable or sex toy

I will start with saying that my MR is a rig manager, with that being said his crew shows him a lot of weird things every day. One time he came home and showed me a video of a woman masturbating with an eggplant....A FUCKING EGGPLANT!!!! Since that day grocery shopping in the produce isle has never been the same. I have never eaten egg plant nor will I ever , after seeing that.  Now I am not a prude my any means , I have a few toys myself , but come on lady an eggplant!!! How about visiting a sex store instead of the produce isle. I cant help but wonder how she got that in? was this after a baby? even after three kids I have no desire for anything bigger than what my man carries.

Why would somebody even desire a vegetable? Is there such thing a vegetable rapist ? seriously WTF.  This is why I will always be laughing in the grocery store ...wondering if someone has a crush on my cucumber ....sorry ladies this one will soon be apart of a salad.

My house may be cleaner ,But im still a good mom

Its been bothering lately all the talk about moms with a dirty house. Apparently if you have dishes in the sink you fed your kids, dirty laundry you got them dressed that day, a mess every where  means you played with your kids . Well I am about to call BULLSHIT. I am a stay at home mom of 3 kids.  One of which is still nursing , one who is always wanting me to play with her , and another who is in kindergarten every other day. I play with my kids , Cook for my kids , and when we leave the house I get them dressed !! Shockingly for the most part I can keep up with the laundry, clean the messes , and do the dishes .But I also don't play on my phone all day or sit in front of the TV for extended periods of time. I am not judging anyone for having a messy house ,But I just want the same. I am so TIRED of being told I have OCD for wanting my floors clean ...NO OCD is having everything bleached or alphabetically arranged .I just happen to have a small child who loves to put things in her mouth and 2 other children who love to make messes on the floor. So basically my cleaning is preventing a choking hazard.  Me having a presentable house doesn't make me any less of a mother than YOU. It just means I make cleaning my house a priority(most days). End of rant ...

Tooth Fairy

Its hard for me to remember a lot about my child hood, I remember small moments, important events, basically bits and pieces. Not many people can remember much. I am trying to remember loosing my first tooth, I can't....so I wanted to make this milestone very special for my son so he has a chance of remembering it. Last night his loose tooth was hanging so I encouraged him to eat an apple knowing that it would push it further out of its "gum hole". It worked ...This tooth was loose for a week now, and after eating an apple it was pretty much just hanging there...Dad volunteered to pull it out as I was a little to squeamish for the job. A tiny knot made with dental floss around the tooth and a quick pull did the trick..EXCEPT, the knot wasn't tight enough and the tooth disappeared into my cream coloured carpet .. face palm. A quick search and the tooth was recovered . My boy was so excited .He knew he would get something special if he put the tooth under his pillow .

I made him a special certificate for loosing his first tooth, signed by the tooth fairy, sprayed his $5 with blue sparkles, and drew a little fairy door on my wall so he knew where the fairy entered. And left little foot prints on his pillow to make the fairy seem more magical.

Its these little moments ,when they believe in such magic and the excitement on their faces that make me feel like a great mom. I love to share in that excitement with them....its sad to know that this means he will loose all his baby teeth shortly and become an adult , all way to fast . A great reminder to slow down, play more and enjoy the small MAGICAL moments.

redneck princess

"I need to cut this out" says my three year old daughter with a smile on her face .She was referring to a cute little heart picture she received in a McDonalds happy meal this afternoon from a friend. un aware of what her real intentions were I let her grab the child safe scissors and venture off. HUGE MISTAKE!!!! My son and his friends were playing so well yet noisily in the bedroom that it perfectly disguised her mischievous silence. It took myself and my friend who was visiting 25 minutes to work out ....That was all the time she needed. My princess had not only cut out those cute little hearts from her happy meal, she also cut out mini "hearts" into clothing ...... WHY??? "Mommy I made Camouflage" she later said .....UM NO, you made holy pants !!!

But really how in the actual fuck did she manage to cut that many holes with "child safe" scissors?......

Dont sweat the small stuff

Not everyday is a good day. Happy unicorns and rainbows are not everyday life.Sometimes Unicorns have to poop and when they do they choose the brightest most colourful rainbow to shit on. Excuse the metaphor. It has been hard for me to post lately as I have been arguing with my significant other, whom at the moment I do not find very significant. That's life . Sometimes people fight. I'm an Aries and I seem to hold a grudge for a long time. Also being a SAHM doesn't help, as I am home a lot ,which is dangerous for any women in an argument, as I get to dwell on things more, and think of different scenarios all day, which ends up with me being even madder when he gets home. This morning I woke up optimistic , i was going to forget that i was mad ..then i saw this;... Socks left in the living room, Meat racks in the sink(he made homemade beef jerky and left them for me to clean), tooth paste blobs in the sink, coffee spills on the counter, dirty clothes on the bedroom floor. Tiny, pet peeves, which seem so small now that I am writing it all out ,managed to ruin my day. how can I let these miniscule annoyances bother me? BOREDOM!!! So I've decided instead of sabotaging my relationship its time to get more serious with Beach Body . I ordered the new 21DAY FIX and am excited to try it after I complete the T25 series. Wish me luck !!! And remember to not let those small annoyances ruin your life, talk about them yes , but make sure to do something for yourself everyday. Its easy to forget about yourself when you are so focused on looking after everyone else ...Its exhausting. But if you don't look after yourself who will? A happy mom means happy kids . Its hard not to sweat the small stuff. Pick your battles ladies as being angry all the time is lonely and exhausting......CHEERS

COMMON LAW

I have been with my spouse for 7 years this June. Longer than some marriages ( sorry Brittney spears). The only down side to a common law marriage with children is the lack of the same Last name. I feel left out a lot. Things as simple as family cookie jars that I cant order. Family labels on homemade wine . those cute little family trees you see in peoples kitchens . I cant buy those as our house hold has 2 last names . Mine and everyone else's. Seeing as this seems to be the only down fall of common law relationship so far(besides a beautiful ring and wedding pictures on the wall) I never really let it get to me ,that is until..... My 5 year old son is going around the house asking everyone's full names .everyone has 3 names, first, middle, and last. Except me . He seemed to be waiting for me to say Alexander at the end of my name as well. This confused him into tears. After explaining that children take the name of their father, and because mom and dad were not married I am the only one who has a different one , he decided he wanted a different last name to be different as well.....He wanted his last name to be Fast . Finally !! I will be related to a super hero! He is super fast for a 5 year old .All this talk about last names got me really thinking ,especially as I will be 28 in April with 3 kids. Every one I know is married or engaged . we did it all backwards. House, kid, more kids another house , another car, one more kid. still no marriage. I consider myself successful. I am a Massage therapist, esthetician ,business administration, and an accounting technician turned SAHM(stay at home mom). I am supported by my partner ,we support each other ,so really the rest doesn't matter .or does it? Does being married really change the dynamics of a family or does it just change a last name ? from a curious common law SAHM

Night out

So I haven't posted in a while as I have been recovering from sleep deprivation from my half a night out, said no 27 year old ever. Unless you have 3 kids that keep you awake EVERY NIGHT. The stagette for my friend was a success she ended up having a blast , I however was summoned back home around 11 because my baby needed me .I am a mom first and I chose to have children so they are defiably my first priority, although the Guava martinis were delicious, the green salted margarita jello shots were NOT. It was wonderful to put on a sexy black dress, some mascara, and curl my hair ,and let the MR take care of the mini terrorists for a few hours while I enjoyed a dinner out, jello shots, and a glamorous limo ride with old friends. However just like anything good ,the night came to an end a little to quickly (for me anyways). Although I did manage to stay out until 11. I have been bottle training my almost 5 month old especially for this occasion for almost 2 weeks now. I was successful, however she would only take the bottle from me. My MR told me to go out for the night anyways, that he was okay with crying and eventually if the baby got hungry enough she would take the bottle. I fought every maternal instinct in me begging me to stay....and left . I needed this . He needed this.( I'm sure I have been telling him every day for a month now I needed a break and is tired of my bitching ). Dinner was delicious. The chicken coated in balsamic sauce was still warm when it reached my mouth. I was able to eat my entire plate without sharing it .And after my last bite I wasn't wearing any one else's dinner ,A real treat, as was the Giant guava martini.

Next We all got escorted to our next stop in a limo . Inside the limo there was wine, jin, jello shots and panties(the bride had to guess which bridesmaid bought her which pair). The jello shots I'm sure were fabulous ,except the green one. The green one which I mentioned above. After the first taste I puked in my mouth a little bit, then spit out the jello. Tequila or not there was no way I was swallowing this . A salted green jello shot .No way, no how !! Finally we arrived at our first small town bar. After a few dances with one of the only two old men in the bar our party had started to get a little wild, dancing around with a mini stereo singing into the cord as if it were a micro phone, Some of us were clearly rock stars by this point. This where my night ended. I got the you don't need to come home text, followed by the you need to come home text , then the phone call where you can hear the baby screaming like she is in the exorcist movie . Luckily I was only 10 minutes away from town and a good friend drove out asap to bring me back to my castle ,where i was greeted with an instantaneous stop of tears and a giant where have you been, i love you smile. Off came the heels the black dress and the lip gloss . It was wonderful for a night , but my days of being a rock star are done .....unless it involves air guitars, the ABC's, and 3 little terrorists. For they will only be little once . Good night xoxo

firsts

My oldest child is experiencing a lot of firsts this past year .First big move,first bedroom all to himself, first day of kindergarten, first bus ride and first time being left on the bus ...Yes that happened, he never got off and it was scary . I actually chased after the bus all the way down the highway while wearing my 3 week old baby , called the police , stopped traffic , all so the bus driver would take him back to the school(no body is supermom but I felt like I ran super fast that day!). Then today my little man experienced his first taste of frozen flag pole....say what?? When he arrived home from school today we didn't get a chance to talk much, as we were rushed for his soccer game .I don't mean to brag but my son awesome, he's lucky to find something he excels in already being so young ! I love watching him score goals it turns me into one of those obnoxious out of control parents who are always screaming and cheering and I've always wanted to be one ! On the way home from the game I asked my son how his day went , he said "great , except I lost some skin on my tongue "...hold on , what? How ? What happened .."Well" he said "this boy said to stick my tongue to the pole , I did .But I had to pull it off it and I left some skin behind ". All I'm picturing at this point is a scene from Dumber and dumber .

Where was a teacher I asked .."oh she would not have let us do it" he said ...then my three year old who has no teacher, no class, and obviously doesn't go to school, starts talking about her day at "school". And that her "teacher" is good and wouldn't let her outside ...I don't believe you anymore says my son to his 3 year old sister ...keep talking and I'm going to throw this rubber band at you .....I can't stop laughing now as I was worried the end of his sentence was going to be worse ..I could think of some things a lot worse than a rubber band he had access to in the back seat ..Boots, water bottles . Regardless I'm relieved rubber band came out of his mouth ...."stop it" I said ..no one ever listens to me when I say that..I wonder if I say it such a tone like a dog whistle ...no one can hear it but the dogs??? Except in my case its reversed..everyone but the kids can hear me ??? Oh well it is the end of the day, my son has his tongue ..and I have them and together we will most definable have a lot of "firsts".

stomach vagina vs the dress

Friday the 16th is getting closer, it seemed to creep up on me really fast. The stagette I will be attending's theme is classy and sexy. In between diaper changes, nursing, and spit ups I finally found time to look through my closet in hopes to find something that doesn't scream ...mom of three kids. Or on the other extreme from the earlier days ..I have no kids but id love to go home and try to make some..... I have failed. All my take me home to make kids dresses are ..SUPRISE..to small. Not that I'm to shocked as I remember having to do jumping jacks and some kind of wiggling yoga moves to squish into them even in the old days. Don't get me wrong I not huge but I definably need to loose the last 15 pounds to get back to pre baby weight if I have any hope of reclaiming my former wardrobe. My baby is only 4 months old so I'm actually doing pretty good (nursing helps ). But having a baby does things to your body, now I'm not talking about the stretch marks, or the widened hips, I'm talking about the skin which forms into the shape of a freshly waxed vagina on your stomach.

That dreaded W shaped crease that doesn't seem to look flattering in any of my former "go to" dresses. To my Mr this is me just Whining to get a new dress. To me, a new dress to look good on my new body, is my hope of fitting into the stagette theme classy and sexy. As women our bodies are constantly growing, stretching .. changing. So its only fair that on special occasions we can treat our self to a new little black dress. To all of you that also struggle with loving the new you. Stay strong you will get there ! Maybe all you need is a new little black dress xoxo

Walmart..why not

As me and my small children are weaving our way past people through Walmart I ask both kids that can walk to hold on to the cart. That's one way I can ensure the safety of others . I am always scared that one of my children are going to try out a new acrobatic move at the exact time we are shoulder to shoulder with other people and that they will accidently kick, arm bar, or poke out someone's eye. I like them to stay close to me and learn how to be appropriate when we are out and about . My smallest walker when asked to hold onto he cart looks up at me with her big blue eyes and lips about to quiver ..."I can't mommy!, I have a baby elephant in this hand , and a baby racoon in the other !"Well being an animal lover I said she can put the baby elephant in the front part of the grocery cart , after all it was probably getting quite heavy . With both walkers holding on we started our Walmart exchange adventure . pausing only to pet the imaginary animals every 3 minutes or so it seemed. My son had saved his money and bought a leap pad game . The game didn't work with his system so we were there to pick out a new one and exchange it .Which apparently isn't aloud at this particular Walmart unless you argue your way to speak with the manager ....sigh. 3 Kids in tow ,7 o'clock at night after a soccer practice, the LAST place I want to be with tired hungry kids, a make believe baby elephant and a baby raccoon .Apparently baby elephants get quite hungry while shopping , who knew?? 30 minutes later and some hard core eye rolling from the Walmart employees , we exchanged the game and headed to the car which i was able to park in a "mothers only " stall, FIST PUMP!!! I want to thank all business who provide these spots for pregnant women and women with small children as it can be a real game changer in whether or not you shop that day or not ! Hauling a pregnant belly, or small children through a ZOO of a parking lot is like a game of real life risk some days. The struggle is real ! Time to go pet some imaginary zoo animals ;) life as SAHM ,every day is an adventure...Parking lot risk and shopping cart safaris is where it's at.

wine time

After a day of teeth painting (fluoride tooth protection), playdates, and regular routines this mamma was ready for bed . Until I got invited to visit some friends I don't regularly see and have some wine. This sounded great. Especially because these friends are the ones you can show up with your hair in a bun ,yoga pants, and feel good still. Now I just had to wait for my oilfield MR to get home, and wait ,and wait. Finally 9 o'clock, and I can leave him to tend to bed time with all 3 of the minions and have some ;no one touching , suckling ,crying for me girl time. 20 minutes into my "wine timeI get sent an adorable picture of the kids in an ice fishing tent set up in my living room. ok? it is now 9:20ish and these kids should be in bed . I can only assume that the baby is still in the swing where I left her and Daddy is getting his ice fishing gear ready for his escape time in the morning .Shortly after I get a text; she looks angry. by she he meant the baby. Well I would look angry to if it was - fucking cold outside and I was strapped into a swing and you kept opening the non heated garage door to get stuff organized instead of getting me ready for bed. soon theshe looks angry text, turned into , she IS angry. Then ,she is sleeping . Ok good crisis avoided !! when it comes to the cant talk cant crawl baby stage I don't know many dads who can decipher what a baby really wants besides...she is angry .so I still give him credit for holding out as long as he did ,especially lacking the special breast equipment only I have that can feed her . This weeks goal is to get this baby to take a bottle. I have a stagette to attend on Friday for a really good friend and it will my first time out in probably 3 years !!! OH MY that hurt writing .3years ??? Wow time to start bottle training!!!! Wonder what will happen when daddy babysits all 3 for an entire night!!! It has been 3 years for me to go out alone with friends(besides a Walmart or coffee date), and a special occasion to do so. But even longer since my MR and I have been on a Date all by our lonesome. So this weeks task is important as I plan to give us a little more freedom! Watch out Saskatchewan cooped up SAHM finally escapes looking fabulous and ready for a good time!! I'm just excited to have a reason to curl my hair !

Its OKAY to be BLUE sometimes

This morning by some miracle, my children and I didn't get up until 9:30. sorry to you other moms but I had to brag. This is extremely wonderful as it has been -fucking cold here in Saskatchewan the last few weeks since Christmas and I have been loosing my enthusiasm to get up and do ...well anything. I am recovering from postpartum depression with my third baby (now 4 months).Those of you that haven't had any type of baby blues , amazing! Good for you . Those of you that have, know that is quite difficult to get out of the I don't want to do anything rut. Not only do you not want to do anything, but you lack any energy to anything also. The overwhelming feeling and anxiety can strike you at looking at something as simple as the laundry pile , or at a dirty dish. Even feeding the cat seems like running a marathon some days. Today the only way I am managing is taking 25 minutes to myself(almost daily) to exercise . I have started beach body's T25, an intense home workout that is only 25 torturous minutes a day. Doing something for your self I found to be the key. I also try to escape the house without a child latched onto me at least once a week for a tan which I find relaxing. All pending of course if my Oilfield Mr is home in time to watch our little terrorists. Its definably not easy as a parent period, to find time for your self in between breakfast, school sports ,doctor appointments, and endless house work . But I want to remind you all that with out a happy mommy there is no happy house hold. At nap time today I will be doing my T25 leg day , So come on all you hot mammas lets take a few minutes for your self today. Whether it be a break on the couch with your favorite coffee, A tan, an oh so coveted nap if your lucky enough. Or join me on a new fitness journey! (I will post pictures and links on how to do so in an upcoming post if any one is interested ?) Whatever you pick, take a break and remember you are loved ,you are beautiful and most importantly , YOU CAN DO IT !!!!

Go to Sleep

At the end of most days when I'm curled up next to my Mr. ,I always ask him to tell me something wonderful. tonight I asked him what his favorite part of our relationship is . Being extremely witty and without missing a beat he turned around in his comfy cocoon of blankets and said ," every night when you go quiet, then wait 3 minutes or so it seems , until I just about fall completely asleep, then you ask me one of these stupid questions . that's my favorite part . it's fantastic ".Clearly he was being sarcastic... I am a giggler, so now the bed is shaking as I'm giggling uncontrollably on the inside . That's how I know I'm extremely tired. When I laugh so hard that no sound can escape. It probably looks as though my body is having seizure like convulsions.. Then He turns as says "No, my favorite part of the relationship is you " . "What? That's not a real answer "I say. My MR, clearly wanting this to end so he can go back into his blanket cocoon, gives me a coy little grin . "Well, if the relationship didn't have YOU and ME then there wouldn't be a relationship. So you ARE my favorite part " ..Well done my love well done . I have no idea why I wait until bed time to strike up these random attempts at meaningless conversation, but it's a bad habit that he will have to put up with for along time. Because according to recent statistics I will outlive him , the poor guy . One night after reading a bunch of would you rather questions .I cuddled up next to him . Then as I could hear his breathing getting shallower (clearly indicating he was almost asleep) I asked him this ; Curtis are you awake ?....(Big deep Groan ).... Yes ok .Would you rather have sex with a goat, and no body know you did .Or Not have sex with a goat and everyone think you did ?. Instead of rolling over and yelling WTF? He looked at me , smiled and replied " Melissa , that's a tough question now please GO TO SLEEP . What are some of the cute little things you readers do to unintentionally annoy the love in your life ?

No body wants that

As I'm nursing my baby to sleep last night , I see my son heading into the bathroom .the sound of the toilet seat lid banging the tank puts a smile on my face as I know I have raised him right (ladies you all know what I'm talking about! No one likes a peed on toilet seat!). He left the door open as most kids in a hurry usually do, Curtis rounds the corner then I hear the words that make my face look similar to this....

"RYDIN!!! GET YOUR HAND OUT OF YOUR PEE!! Why? Why would you do that !! Was it warm? OMG! Its on the seat. Its on the floor!! UGH!!! I wish your mother walked by and saw this instead of me. Why!! Come on my boy lets wash your hands ". I am laughing so hard at this point the fact that I now need to bleach my entire bathroom doesn't even phase me! Oh how little boys always do something hilarious in the bathroom ! The other night my MR. checked in on Rydin during a bath. He caught him just in time, attempting to pee standing up from inside the tub to the toilet !!SAY WHAT??? Does he have some sort of super human peeing abilities we are un aware of? Thank god that bathroom disaster was diverted in time . My son. I know that your god given manly ability to pee in other ways than just sitting down can be very entertaining to you. But from the one who has to wash the bathroom, your hands and gasp your clothes. Lets refrain from attempting to stop the stream of pee with your hand, And any attempts to perform " pee stunts" into the toilet...Love your concerned mother

Pizza men Beware

  I have referred to my children as mini "terrorists" in a previous post. Today they confirmed my previous suspicions .
I have been out of the house since 9 am attending children's birthday parties , finally by 430pm I made it home exhausted and beaten by the day. PIZZA  was my first thought as I entered the house . with the kids approval I ordered our family favorite and was happy with my choice to finger cook tonight . Until I realised my kids were planning to "ATTACK" the pizza man! That's right attack!!! My 5 and 3 year old had created a pile of mitts and toques at the front door with which they fully intended to throw at the pizza man as soon as I opened the door ! OMG what were they thinking ??of all people the pizza man !!!
 Good thing I asked what they were doing I would not want to be put on the  Pizza Black List. I asked them what ever made you think of throwing your winter attire at the pizza man? they replied "I don't know" ....I think they planned it !! Just like when you ask them when they are playing quietly '"what are you doing "and they reply "nothing" so you let them be. Then when you check on them 20minutes later the entire bedroom is upside down. Blankets made into forts .Dirty laundry made into make believe alligators living  inside a make believe castle moat . Protecting a make believe treasure...hey that's my wallet!!! Liars !!!

I know better than to let leave them alone to long when they are quiet now, at least when I know the pizza man is coming , who really knows what goes through the minds of toddlers ??   I for one look forward to rescuing  pizza men, and wrestling make believe alligators in the future.

Every day is an adventure when your a SAHM . So to all you pizza men who save supper for us moms out there, I apologize in advance if you randomly get attacked with winter attire ...

Shots to Sling Shots ....KOWA BUNGA

  Now that the holidays are over and the house is relatively organized ( as much as it can be when your kids receive an insane amount of toys) I can finally it down, have a glass of wine and relax...JUST KIDDING , except for the wine part ,I'm serious about that .

Its the weekend after New Years eve and I find myself frantically shopping for a  birthday party I forgot  my son was invited to. Kindergarten and he has Birthday parties already!! as if we didn't have enough of those ! As it happens we have 2 birthdays now tomorrow , one in the am for my best friends twins, and another at 1 for Rydins kindergarten buddy.

Is it true to say that after a certain age our all nighters turn into early mornings ?Our parties with glam hair , Smokey eyes , heels , shots and bad dancing   turn into Birthday parties for someone's kid!  With ,yoga pants , runners ,balloons ,piñatas, and if your feeling good some concealer and mascara?

 I remember even before I had my own kids the switch beginning to happen !  about every other weekend it was someone bailing on a night out due to a kid related reason. Then it happened to me..KIDS...And I finally understood . THEY WERE LYING!!!  I bet 9/10 times there was no real incident , they were just tired or simply didn't have the energy to get all glammed up and go out . A mini version of themselves had already drained every bit of energy they had in them that day and quite frankly sleep is worth more then pretty much anything when your a new parent ..even sex !

So now instead of spending my money on new fake eyelashes and heels , I buy ninja turtle sling shots for my sons friend. I giggled as I chose this gift as this particular boy has a little sister so I know he will be  sling shooting this Leonardo Ninja Turtle at her a million times as it screams KOWA BUNGA  and the little girl screams MOMMY!!!!  Maybe i'll be nice and bring a bottle of wine with the present ?

 Ah Well we SAHM's got to get our kicks in wherever we can !!! KOWA BUNGA every one

Year of the Butt ??

    So after reading a bunch of smutt articles that no one wants to admit that they actually  read , I noticed that they all had one thing in common, declaring that 2014 was officially the year of the butt. I agree , in 2014 we  have seen twerking, music videos, and even songs written about the butt itself .

However I know they don't think its just 2014? come on now ? I personally know that men and women have been OBSESSED with butts since the beginning of time . I am thankful for that . My big butt I have personally  named the" Curtis catcher" .  I don't know about you girls , but as soon as my Mr. catches the smallest glimse of my derriere that's it , I better run and hide !  Not that being grabbed and fondled is a bad thing but a simple hello would be nice....nope...lets just grab a good healthy handful of butt.

Well Beyoncé , Miley, and all you other butt aholics  you may have got 2014 but me and my "Curtis catcher" got 2009-2014 !

New Years Hunger Game

New Years with a fairly new baby left me with one desirable option. Stay home so that im not hung tits and  a zombie in the morning . So being a "normal" family (whatever that is) I strapped my baby into the ergo onto my back ,brought out the nerf guns and turned of the lights .The rules of the game are simple, get shot in a "kill zone" and your dead, last one left wins ! We call this The Alexander Hunger Games .My kids Mr an I find this extremely fun .  Judge as you will, Yes we let our kids play with toy guns, but we are also hunters so they learn gun safety as well as respect for other living things .
 The evening was calmed down with a movie and popcorn, and I was grateful to not be tearing off false eyelashes and glittery clothing ,ill save those for next year (maybe).
Happy New Year everyone !